Realizing a Purpose

With 2018 in full bloom, I've been feeling pretty introspective and optimistic... How original. But I've been thinking about how this all began, and where I am now. Music has taken the backseat for the past few years. My acoustic guitar is literally sitting in a closet.

I've been busy, sure. But there was always more to it. Music lost its purpose. What was once a form of expression turned into money and left me wondering, Is this all there is?

I've been thinking a lot about the "why." Why write music that won't be played on the radio? Why perform when it's left me cynical and convinced performing is all about money? Why make music again?

But then I think about dance. When I stopped playing music, I became obsessed with dance. I'm still obsessed. There's something about movement that is so freeing and empowering for me. When music became restricted by What will make me money?, dance had and still has no rules and no expectations. 

I'm training for a dance performance right now. I find a real satisfaction finding a song that, not only connects with me on an emotional level, but a song that no one has heard before (consider it residue from my hipster high school days). Or even a beautiful cover of a well-known song. I live for that shit.

All this searching has led me to rediscover my musical purpose. It's never been about fame. When I was 19, I thought it was. My purpose is to connect to other people.

Yesterday I thought, How amazing would it be to be the music that inspires a stranger to dance? To draw? To be creative? How amazing would it be to connect to a stranger on such an emotional level?

I want to be that voice for someone who feels alone. I want to be that voice you dance to. This year, I'm getting back to making music with the sole goal of making something honest and vulnerable. No more basing my worth as a musician on popularity and income. The goal is connection. 

Carrie Ryan